Saturday, June 21, 2008
I was reading back my blogs and realized I have forgotten a lot of memories as they were replaced by new ones.
But still, when I read back, I still can picture the scenes in my head and what had happened.
I think I am the only one who reads my own blog like a storybook.
Well, life is just like a novel, the writer is yourself and it depends on how you write it to make it interesting.
I am not implying that my chapters of my stories are very interesting, just that, I love to record the happy moments that I have.
Not being able to write freely in my public blog, I remembered I had this hidden blog which I started to write about Qiang.
He was the “last” guy I fell in love with but hopefully not the very last one.
Well, my doubts about that period were kind of confirmed by Angel.
I thought I was imagining and thinking too much but I was right.
Even Angel felt that Qiang was avoiding me after my secret was exposed.
Oh well, not that I am pursuing any fault now.
But Qiang and I are back to our usual self.
When I think about us now, I kind of feel weird as he is back to his nice and warm guy.
Angelia kept teasing us, so are Madeline and Angel.
But I am very certain that I do not have any feelings for him already and my love will not rekindle.
I spoke to Madeline about the difference between love and like.
I feel sad for her to be always stuck in the same situation.
Sometimes, as a sister, I feel that I failed my duties to advise her to the right track.
Sometimes, I will be too afraid to use negative language to let her know that those guys are jerks.
Dear god, please grant her someone better.
I also feel bad to keep a distance after we graduate as I realized how much I relied on her after graduation.
She was my only companion then and I knew when she found her love, her new life at work and school, she may not be able to entertain me.
I do not wish to be lost and therefore I made a selfish move to actually keep a distance.
Though it was not obvious but at least I believe that it would do her and me good.
Kenny, he is someone I meet most often now.
Surprisingly right? No matter which gathering I go, he will always be around.
Mahjong, K, birthdays, gatherings, school etc.
But as usual, he is still the smart one and I am the dumb one. LOLX
From finding him suave during orientation to feeling that he dislikes me period to getting to know him better to he keeps shooting me to adding him to the circle of trust till now.
I think he soon will get sick of my face. HAHA
Anyway, he is a nice person though he is the one who taught us all to drink, stayover, club, mahjong etc. LOLX
Angel, my favorite girl in Black Friday, I don’t know why, I just love her.
If I am a guy, I will definitely make her mine. LOLX
[As if she will choose me, HAHA.]
The reasons why do I love her?
First and foremost, she is very pretty and cute.
I love to listen to her stories and see her do those sa jiao actions.
She seems to be all-rounded (Can cook, can play, can study, can dress up, can sing k, can play mahjong etc), clever and with good character.
Don’t you think she makes a very good wife? LOLX
Okay, after concentrating writing about four people, I feel much better.
I was quite pissed not being able to lead my own life just now.
My mum confined me, not letting me out.
I know I am being childish, she is concerned about my health but sometimes adults just do not understand.
I do not voice out does not mean I do not feel any pain inside.
I am in my twenties; the only entertainment I have is with my friends and they only ask me out like once in a week.
So I always treasure the opportunity to hang out with them no matter how late is it.
My family is not a burden, but it is always some place where I am vexed about.
Sometimes I really wish that I need not be the obedient one, it is really tiring to maintain good, perform better and be the best.
At times, I keep questioning myself, why do I have to be the one that is good?
Why I cannot just be selfish and lead the life I want like my sister.
And I could answer myself the above myself, because I do not want my parents to be unhappy and worry about one more child.
And in that case, I have to sacrifice.
My sister, I have never understood.
I trust her and I dote her.
I thought no matter what, whatever she will keep me informed.
She smokes since Primary 5, she told my aunt.
And I trusted her because she denies the fact that she is smoking.
And recently, she reveals the truth.
It is not the smoking part that upsets me; I feel that I am such a failure as a sister.
Today, she told me that she is working in a pub and she mentioned about moving out with her friend.
Sigh, why did things turn out this way?
Is it because I did not care enough for her?
Is it because I am not trustworthy enough?
Okay, I am crying again.
What for man?!
hidden secret star
6/21/2008 01:31:00 AM
